Monday, May 12, 2014

Mother's Day Reflections

Isn't the Easter Season great? I love to jog (slowly) in the morning. While I'm running when the entire world seems to still be asleep, I pray the rosary to keep my mind from whining about the exercise. And during Lent that means I'm praying the Sorrowful Mysteries - OVER AND OVER. Not my favorite thing to meditate on. And then it's Easter Monday! I suddenly realize, gleefully, that I get to think about the Glorious Mysteries! Adds a pep to my running step. 

Except for the second Glorious Mystery: The Ascension. I get it, it was glorious when Jesus got to go back to heaven. And I'm sure the apostles were filled with awe watching Him ascend on the clouds. Then some angels show up and basically say, "Why are you looking at the sky? He's not coming back so go and preach the Good News."
But then it's just not so glorious imagining myself as one of those apostles. Their best friend, their mentor, their hope, the man they thought was dead and gone to them forever but who came BACK!, the One they now knew was God...He was gone. AGAIN. I just cannot think about this second Glorious Mystery as a good one. It's a downer for me because I'm so sad for those apostles who are lost again - Jesus is gone and the Holy Spirit hasn't been sent yet. Better things are coming, but they don't know that. In my mind, they are longing to be with Jesus again. I want to be able to reassure them.
Mommy and tiny Miriam
Mommy and baby Vivian
For me, motherhood is like that sometimes. When Miriam was a baby, I was a new Mom and felt like a fish out of water. Then came Vivian right on her heels. I was drowning. Certainly people told me this is going to get easier, things will get better! Not every minute for the rest of my life will feel like a roller coaster without the lap bar to keep me held in safely! But like the apostles, I just couldn't see that. There were wonderful, glorious moments of those times - just like the second Glorious Mystery has some obvious glory. But I think it's the challenges and shock of the beginning of motherhood that make that second Glorious Mystery a grimace for me.
Miriam meets Vivian
As I'm running, it's a relief to move onto the third Glorious Mystery: the Decent of the Holy Spirit at Pentecost. Those apostles got their footing, threw open the windows, and stopped letting fear hold them back! They went WILD, they were reckless.

I like to think this is where I am now. We've got our footing around here. I don't feel the constant whiplash. Yes, I screw up motherhood all the time - like the apostles kept on sinning and even fighting with each other - but I'm confident of where this family is going and I'm kind of capable of mothering. I'm doing the work God is asking me to do today and hopefully I'm doing it recklessly, shamelessly.
Mommy and newborn Felicity

I spent so much time just wishing those babies would hurry up and get older, then it hit me last week that Miriam is going to kindergarten in less than a year and a half. That time is going to pass so quickly. I never thought I'd be one of those moms who cries on the first day of school. 
Our lovelies today.
Today I am absolutely sure on that morning when we pack her brand new lunch box and send her off with a load of school supplies, I'll lose it.

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